Jan. 28, 2021

Surviving Little Boys

        Every morning after sending H and P off to school, I got about 7.3 seconds to brew my coffee and hit my knees in prayer.  I aint playin, y'all.  I gotta pray for God's grace, love, and patience to wash over me and his divine protection around the doors and windows of this home.  It's not for the ghostly spirits in the basement here lately, it's for the boys.  I got time to say a quick little prayer before they hear their daddy's car pull out, and their stubby little toes hit the flo wide open. I swear, I think they dream about ways to find the main beams of my home and break them down, one by one.  They immediately melt me with their hugs, but then start pushing furniture against the countertops, to start attempting to climb them looking for food with lots of processed sugar and hydrogenated oils.  Then it begins, operation- keep- them- alive.   They see no fear and no boundaries in heights, sharp objects, or tiny little things that can fit in your mouth.   Poor Cozi's favorite phrase is, "STTTTOOP, BOYYYYYS!"  My oldest boy is 7, and he's not as wild as the younger dynamic duo (2 and 3).  But he does like to fly through the house wide open while pushing a cozy coupe (containing one of my children).  You see, this aint my first rodeo, since I'm a momma of 5.  There's a thing or two I've learned about boys...


1. The Can Be Kinda Gross

Yesterday, I found Dax talking sweetly to his baby brother and I knew something was up.   "Here, Cubby, just drink it, it's gooood.  It's yummy, Cubby.  Daxie made it for you."  I run to the living room to see him holding a clear bottle with yellow liquid at the bottom.  I think fast.  "Did I buy Lemonade at Sam's last week?  No...Is that orange juice?  How could he pour it into that bottle so neatly?"  But, then I realize the truth when I see Cozi mimicking what he did in the corner.  He had peed in the bottle, and was gently persuading his little bro to have a swig.  It wasn't completely surprising and definitely wasn't the first time he's took a leak in the Sam's water bottle.  He finds it amusing.  But thank the good Lord, Cubbie did NOT drink it. Yesterday, I also found an opened loaf of bread laying next to the toilet.  I know, it's completely disgusting.  No wonder my other child had MRSA last week. KIDDING I threw it away immediately, I promise.  Speaking of toilets, my boys obviously can't aim to save their lives.  No matter how much bleach and spray cleaner I use, our bathrooms still always seem to smell like pee!  Momma's of boys...you feel me, sisters?   But not only do they pee on the walls behind the toilet, their pee on every tree and every patch of grass in the Southwest.  Another thing...I swear, I can get them all dressed, and gel their hair, and they are dirty 3 seconds later.  If there is something they can get into that has a speck of dirt, they find it.  They come in from outside smelling like wet puppy dog, errreytime.  Dirt mounds at the ball park is their fave!  I might as well invent a scentsy bar in the flavor of ammonia and keep it plugged in day and night.  Hudson's little nose is dirty everytime he goes  outside, don't know how, but it always ends up that way.  And the younger ones...they're camoflaughed in dirt and grime.


2. They Break Shit

Let me just list the items that were broken at my house:  A picture frame, 2 babydoll strollers (from racing them demo derby style), a new 6 pack box of flood light bulbs, a nerf gun, and my personal fave...MY MACBOOK.  You know how at Greek weddings, they throw plates and shatter them to the ground?  I feel like I was attending and celebrating a greek unity in my basement at home last week.  I heard them quiet for a few minutes, which was nice, but is never...EVER a good thing.  I went down stairs and see them running in a circle, and before I could do anything about it they each busted 3 
light bulbs on the tile and started screaming and clapping, and jumping up and down.  I think I may have cried that day, because it happened to be the same one that Cubbie shattered my Macbook screen, which is costing $500 to replace.  Ever saw those sour patch commercials, where they cut someone's hair and then give them a hug so they can't stay mad?  That's my life.  I sent Cody a text the read, "I give up ever trying to clean, I have to put all my effort into keeping them alive.  Is it normal for our kids to act like they're on crack?"  My hubby's the best and always encourages me and tells me I'm doing a good job, even when I am sure I'm not.  Also las week, a trim guy came to measure last week and asked if I took medication because among all the chaos and wild kiddos running around, "I seemed chill."  Naw, momma aint stoned, I'm just totally and completely used to it. Call it patience, call it the peace of God, call it dazed...whatever.  Thankfully, I'm chill most of the time.  If not you'd be talking me off the ledge on the daily.  I do know one thing, I can NEVER...EVER try and give up caffeine again.

3. They are SO FUNNY

I am not lying when I say I could write for 3 straight days about how funny my boys are.  I seriously don't know how Dax comes up with things he does at the ripe age at 3.  Sometimes, pretty much daily I question my parenting after he rambles these things off to me...but I ALWAYS laugh,  I know that may not ethical when he says dirty words, or tells me he wants "peanut butter jelly and my NUUUTSSS, for lunch... but trust me, you'd laugh too.  I literally cried to Cody a couple weeks ago and said I felt like I was failing as a mother, and I will never ever be that Proverbs 31 mother and wife that I so desperately long to be.  I got a good heart, and I try.  But I do have a mouth sometimes, and so does my 3 year old.  Everyone says Dax is the funniest kid they know, and it aint just bc he's mine, it's the truth.  My mom calls every day and says, "What has Dax done today?"  I have a different story for him daily.  After pulling a tick off of his boy area last week in the bath, he proceeded to tell us at dinner that he wanted to be a nut sac for Halloween...and he wanted his dad to be the tick.  I have a pretty good feeling we may not get the good candy if we allowed that costume, so we will prolly just stick to Trolls this year like we've planned.  Ofcourse his big brother loves to take him to the crowd of friends and they all have Dax repeat what his last name is...don't ask.  They loves having him tell them funny stories and laugh hysterically.  Y'all, his best friends are all between the ages of 8-16 year olds.  Dax is the life of the party, that's for sure.  Hoping we can tame it by his teenage years.  I love to threaten, "I'm getting the spoon!"  He says, "No, not the spoon!"  Funny thing is, I don't even own one...yet. 😏😅  He ran to the sideline at his football game the other day, to get 13 sucks off his little bro's paci.  I know, I know...he's almost 4.  But you choose your battles.  I hate seeing judgy posts from moms that have it all figured out.  Where's that middle finger emoji when you need it? Just kidding...but really.

4. They Play REALLY Rough

Their favorite past time is jumping off the couches and getting each other in a headlock. If you're lying in the floor, you're fair game.  Don't cry if you get jumped on.  I had go take my oldest daughter for an X-ray after her brother and his buddy jumped off the mattress, onto her foot. It's a million wonders and 5 guardian angels, for the reason they haven't been seriously injured, I mean it.   They also enjoy going to the ballpark at ball games, and wrestling with their buddies in the middle of the grass where people are trying to enjoy the game.  Bath time at our house end up with bloody noses, bruises on knees from jumping, dozens of wet towels...and leaky ceiling tiles in our basement from all the water....no lie.  My sweet precious Nana came to stay with them for a couple hours yesterday, and my only verbal instructions were, "Just don't let them climb outside and fall off the deck."  An older lady last week asked my friend at the ballpark if she knew who the child belonged to, that was scaling the dirt cliff at Fred Hale.  Yep, he's mine.  He's a survivor.  And if you only knew his freakish balance and instincts, you would understand why I'm taking my chances with that hill.  Better than him running in the parking lot...


5. They are ALWAYS Hungry

I complained to Cody the other day about always fixing meals and snacks around the clock.  I mean, seriously...alllll the time.  I can't get them full, they always wanna eat.  I was discussing it with my aunt, who is equally hilarious.  She said she was gonna get a shirt made that said "Snack Bit$ch" and wear it every day of her life, because that's pretty much her role in life.  My refrigerator opens every 5 minutes when they're all at home.  They ALWAYS. WANNA. SNACK.  I can't imagine what it's gonna be like when they hit puberty and teenage growth spurts...we will both have to take a second job.  Hopefully, I'll have a book deal by then, to help with the grocery bill 😜.


6. Nudity is a Way of Life

And you must accept it.  I'm become very used to naked butts running around my house and out in the yard. It aint nothin but a thang. If you ever stop by my address during the months of January-December summer, you'll often see clothing piles at random places. Jump on the trampoline?  Let's strip.  Going swimming?  Get naked.  See the mail man?  Ditch the clothing.

7. They LOVE their Momma

I never quite understood the term momma bear, til I laid eyes on my first borns.  Mess with my mine, and you will see a side of me that aint pretty.  All my boys, are momma's boys.  They make me melt like a popsicle when they wrap their little arms around my neck.  I love all my babies, my 2 girls and my 3 boys.  They ALL want me at bedtime, and though I'm exhausted at that point, I never turn down snuggles.  I know one say they'll be going out on dates and be too busy with phone calls to their girl friends.  But for now, I am the most important woman in their life.  It's our jobs to let them make messes, wrestle in the floor, make endless forts, and know that dirt won't hurt a thing...and to teach them to be good men. They may be meaner than rattle snakes, but I love that every time the sun begins to set, Hudson will run to get me so we can see how pretty the colors are. And how he notices the sparkle in my eyeshadow...and every single time they hear a helicopter, they grab their daddy and run outside to see it and watch it go over.


They will be grown in the blink of an eye... so for now...I'll enjoy the moment and let them be little boys.What have you learned about raising boys?  Please no negative comments about my parenting...you do you...and I'll keep doing me.  I LOVE all my sweet followers and hope to make my blog a big deal one day, it's kind of my dream. 😅

Post next week will be about Raising Girls and then Mompreneurs!  Please subscribe to my blog and SHARE with your friends!

Much love,

Andi xoxo